Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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