There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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