Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
