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I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
