Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
