do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
