States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
