So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
