so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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