K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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