Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
