there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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