Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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