So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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