I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
