U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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