i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
