a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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