May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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