I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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