It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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