end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
