Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
