Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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