So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So many bounce houses so little time
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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