wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
