I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
