it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
3pm strippers are depressing
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
