9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hippo gnu deer
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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