he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
