Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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