Your dad touched me again.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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