Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we have officially lost it.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
