Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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