Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
