so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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