WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
