I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
