woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
