I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
