haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
