i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
