Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
