All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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