Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
