I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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