Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
