hell yes lets make some ravioli
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
