He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
