i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
